Catharsis

month

February 2012

10 posts

This (vaguely) Johnlock RP was adorable. →

ocd-reality: Idk why the Stranger disconnected. :(

Tumblring this because EPIC. I love this fandom. I...

 You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Question to discuss: 
 What are you currently doing right now?
You: Omegling. -SH
Stranger: Omegling around.
Stranger: I thought you were on a case? -JW
You: I thought you were blogging. -SH
Stranger: Yes, well. Writers block. What's your excuse? -JW
You: The case is dull. -SH
You: And it's Mycroft's -SH
Stranger: God forbid you actually help your brother. -JW
You: God doesn't exist, John. He can't forbid me anything. -SH
Stranger: It's just a figure of speech, Sherlock. -JW
You: Oh. -SH
You: Yeah I have no further interest in Mycroft's cases. They are always lame. -SH
You: So I was giving a try to this site you use to hook up. -SH
Stranger: Surely they're better than- Hold on. What? -JW
You: Everyone asked me to show my tits. I did not do such a thing. -SH
Stranger: I don't hook up on here. -JW
Stranger: Sherlock. -JW
Stranger: I don't use this site to hook up with anyone. -JW
You: John? -SH
You: I know you do. I've read the logs. -SH
Stranger: What logs?! -JW
You: "Hello, M, doctor, have a webcam" -SH
You: Those logs. -SH
Stranger: I have NEVER... You!.. You're unbelievable! -JW
You: You should protect your files with a better password. -SH
Stranger: I've changed my password ten times now and you always guess it. What's the point? -JW
Stranger: And those logs are NOT FROM ME. -JW
You: If you left them unlocked I would have been less curious. -SH
You: "I live with a friend. He plays the violin" -SH
You: They were from you -SH
Stranger: You're making this up! -JW
Stranger: Even if I was using this site to hook up, WHICH I'M NOT, I certainly wouldn't tell them about you. -JW
You: Not you but your computer would. I still don't get the fun of the whole cybering matter. -SH
You: You are just... staring at the screen while typing obscenities. -SH
You: What is the point? -SH
Stranger: You're supposed to use your imagination. I would guess. I don't DO that! -JW
Stranger: Why am I even explaining.. You wouldn't understand this anyway, it's hardly your area of expertise. -JW
You: What do you mean not my area? -SH
Stranger: I mean.. Well, you've never.. You know.. Have you? -JW
You: I have never what? -SH
Stranger: You know.. With another person.. Or even by yourself, possibly. -JW
You: Oh. OH. No, I have not. -SH
You: I am married to my work. -SH
You: And I don't see what could possibly be interesting about it. -SH
Stranger: Well, that's because you've never done it. -JW
Stranger: Not even, just yourself though? Really? -JW
You: That is why I decided to log on your website but I frankly don't get it. -SH
You: I don't find myself sexually attractive. -SH
You: Why would I do it. -SH
Stranger: It's... It's not- You don't have to find yourself sexually attractive. You don't even have to look at yourself when you're doing it. -JW
You: Then? -SH
Stranger: What do you mean "then"? ... Then, it's done and you feel good and relaxed. -JW
You: I have nicotine patches and violin for that. -SH
You: And murders. -SH
Stranger: No wonder you're always so uptight. They're hardly the same. -JW
You: You don't play the violin, how can you possibly know? -SH
Stranger: You don't .. You know, yeah. How do you know i'm wrong? -JW
You: Good point. -SH
You: John, can I ask you a personal question? -SH
Stranger: Of course. -JW
You: Do you do it at home, too? -SH
Stranger: Oh, well.. I- Yes, but.. But only in my bedroom. -JW
You: Can you not do it when I am there? -SH
You: Or stop completely, preferably. -SH
Stranger: You want me to stop.. ?! Why? What I do in the privacy of my own bedroom is none of your concern. -JW
You: If you are in your bedroom now I will suppose you are doing it. -SH
You: It would be invading the privacy of my mind palace. -SH
Stranger: I don't do it every single time I'm in there! -JW
You: How can I be sure? -SH
You: You haven't dated in a month. I take you do it all the time. -SH
Stranger: Oh my god. -JW
Stranger: Sherlock. Just.. I-i'm not going to stop.. That.. Just because it makes you uncomfortable. -JW
Stranger: I don't ask you to stop putting body parts in the fridge and microwave, do I? -JW
You: It's different. There is nothing good coming out of your privacy moments and the body parts help me figure out cases. -SH
You: I will also assume from now on you do it when you have the laptop. You will need to buy a new one. -SH
You: I am getting very uncomfortable. -SH
Stranger: It's relaxing. And relieves tension. And is probably why I haven't punched you more often. -JW
Stranger: You have your own laptop! -JW
You: It's broken. -SH
Stranger: Look. Sherlock. Almost everybody does it. It's a fact. -JW
Stranger: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LAPTOP -JW
You: You need to find another hobbie. -SH
You: We can play chess. -SH
Stranger: I-It's not a hobby! -JW
You: Sounds like a hobbie to me. A very intruding hobbie. -SH
Stranger: It's hardly intruding when it has nothing to do with you and is in private. -JW
You: It has everything to do with me. You are doing it in the room next door! -SH
Stranger: Well, then. Don't think about it! I don't think about you dissecting eyeballs or whatever it is you end up doing in the kitchen. -JW
You: I will try. But I can't promise I won't. -SH
You: Does it weird you out enough thinking I will be thinking about you doing it? -SH
You: Enough to stop doing it alltogether? -SH
Stranger: A little.. -JW
Stranger: No! Not enough to... Stop trying to put me off! -JW
You: I will put cameras in your bedroom, then. -SH
Stranger: Then you can enjoy the show. -JW
You: Oh dear. -SH
You: I will enjoy the show then. Greatly. -SH
Stranger: I- Sherlock!? No! -JW
You: I promise I will if you don't stop doing it. -SH
Stranger: I'll do it in the bathroom instead. -JW
Stranger: The shared bathroom. -JW
You: Mrs. Hudson cleans that bathroom. Think about her when you are doing it. -SH
You: Not literally. Unless that puts you off. -SH
Stranger: Oh, I can clean up after myself. -JW
Stranger: That's disgusting. -JW
Stranger: No offense to Mrs. Hudson. -JW
You: I know. -SH
You: No offense. -SH
You: Think about her when you do it. And think about me enjoying the view. -SH
Stranger: You're not going to put me off. It's normal. Almost everybody does it. -JW
Stranger: Lestrade. Mycroft. Donovan. Anderson. -JW
Stranger: Maybe Mycroft. -JW
You: My mind palace has just been invaded by a hord. -SH
You: Horde* -SH
Stranger: Your poor innocent mind palace. -JW
You: They're using catapults on its walls. -SH
You: Thank you for the mental image, John. -SH
Stranger: Why don't you just "delete" it? -JW
You: I can't. I wish I could. -SH
You: I think I need more nicotine patches. -SH
Stranger: I've hidden them. -JW
Stranger: Sorry. -JW
You: Hopefully not in your room. -SH
Stranger: Oh, no. But good idea from now on! -JW
You: I feel bad. -SH
You: I will take a walk around Reichenbach to see if I can take those images out. -SH
Stranger: Don't you dare. -JW
Stranger: Just don't. -JW
You: Mycroft. Doing it. I need air. -SH
You: Anderson, with dinosaur knickers. -SH
Stranger: Oh my god. What?! -JW
You: What did you do to me, John!? -SH
Stranger: I haven't done anything! ... Why are you thinking about Anderson in dinosaur knickers?! -JW
You: You said Anderson does it. I am 98% sure he has at least two pairs of dinosaur knickers. -SH
Stranger: I don't even want to know how you deduced that. -JW
You: Neither do I. -SH
Stranger: Look, i'm sorry. I'm sure Anderson doesn't do it. -JW
Stranger: Just calm down. -JW
You: How can you be sure??? What proof do you have???? -SH
You: He does it. He calls his little friend Mr. T-Rex. I feel bad. I am dying!! -SH
Stranger: Sherlock. Stop. Just stop. You need to take some deep breaths. -JW
Stranger: This was obviously a bad subject to get you on, you're not used to it and it's freaking you out. -JW
You: What if... What if he's doing it right now??? And I know it?? -SH
Stranger: He's at work, Sherlock. He wouldn't be doing it right now. -JW
Stranger: Also... Mr. T-Rex?! -JW
Stranger: Where do you get these things from?! -JW
You: He doesn't do his job. Perhaps that is the reason. No, it IS the reason. -SH
You: Lestrade doesn't know. I need to warn him. -SH
Stranger: NO. -JW
You: I'm calling him now. -SH
Stranger: SHERLOCK PUT THE PHONE DOWN. -JW
Stranger: Oh god. -JW
You: He's not picking up. I will text him. -SH
Stranger: [Lestrade, i'm sorry. Whatever Sherlock says, please just ignore him. - JW]
Stranger: Don't be ridiculous, Sherlock! -JW
You: [Tell Anderson not to play with Mr. T-Rex at work from now on. Tell him to stop playing with it at all. -SH]
You: [This should be your division. Your underlings are having a very inappropiate behaviour and I will tell Mycroft. -SH]
You: [Mr. T-Rex is how he calls his penis. -SH]
Stranger: Sherlock? You've gone very quiet.. I'm getting worried. What are you saying? -JW
You: I'm texting. -SH
Stranger: [Are you back on the drugs? I'm busy. Go bother John. -GL]
You: Oh now this is frustrating. -SH
Stranger: What? What's going on? -JW
You: [I already am. He told me Anderson does it. -SH]
You: Nothing important. -SH
Stranger: [John told you that Anderson has been masturbating at work. Right. -GL]
You: [He gave me the necessary information. You know I'm always right. -SH]
You: John, do you know exactly what IS Lestrade's division? -SH
Stranger: [John already texted to tell me to ignore anything you said, think i'm going to take his advice. -GL]
You: Bloody hell. -SH
Stranger: Yeah, he's a DI in charge of.. Erm. Major crime? -JW
Stranger: You know, I have no idea. -JW
Stranger: What? What's wrong? -JW
You: [John, stop texting Lestrade. -SH]
Stranger: [I really am sorry, I'll explain later at the pub. -JW]
Stranger: [I'll need a few pints after this. -JW]
You: [It is of the uttmost importance that you pay attention to me, Lestrade. -SH]
You: [Give him back his nicotine patches, he's on withdrawal and it's not my division -GL]
Stranger: [Sherlock. I'm busy. Whatever it is can wait! -GL]
You: [NO IT CANNOT WAIT. -SH]
Stranger: [He's already used nine today. I know he's got a tolerance but this is too much. -JW]
You: [I don't get paid for this. Give them to him. -GL]
You: John? -SH
You: Are you doing it now? -SH
Stranger: Yes, Sherlock. -JW
You: ... I hate you. -SH
Stranger: Greg thinks you're in withdrawal. -JW
You: I am not in withdrawal. -SH
Stranger: [NINE patches. Nine. It's too much, far too much. -JW]
You: Tell him about Mr. T-Rex, he's not listening to me. -SH
Stranger: I am, Sherlock. I'm telling him right now. -JW
You: [At this point, I don't care if he passes out. I seriously don't. -GL]
You: Thank you. Stop doing it. Now that I know you are doing it it's feeling even weirder. -SH
Stranger: I'm not doing it right now, that was a joke. -JW
You: Thank God. -SH
Stranger: [Maybe I can get him to take some sleeping pills. God knows he could use the rest. -JW]
You: [If you don't fire him I am going to assume you are Anderson's playmate and I will let Mycroft know. -SH]
You: [Also, he's stupid. -SH]
You: [Sleeping pills and scotch works for me. I will overlook it. -GL]
Stranger: [That's enough, Sherlock. Nobody needs the image of Anderson doing anything. -GL]
Stranger: Sherlock? Why don't you come back to the flat and have a drink. -JW
Stranger: Sounds like you could use one. -JW
You: How kind from you. -SH
You: I'm not thirsty. -SH
Stranger: You might be when you get here. -JW
Stranger: It's alcohol, anyway. You don't have to be thirsty to drink it. -JW
You: [Moriarty, I think it's time we meet and sort out our differences. -SH]
You: I will take a walk first. -SH
Stranger: [Oh, well now. This is unexpected. Trouble in paradise, dear? -JM x]
You: [You can check his locker for dinosaur underwear. If I am wrong, you can keep him in the force. -SH]
Stranger: Do you want me to come with you? -JW
You: [You bet. Everyone masturbates in my mind palace. Also I am not your dear. -SH]
You: Will you not masturbate in public, John? -SH
Stranger: [I have no idea what any of that means, darling. -JM x]
Stranger: NO. I WILL NOT MASTURBATE IN PUBLIC. God, Sherlock! -JW
Stranger: Just because I do it, doesn't mean I do it ALL THE TIME. Let alone in PUBLIC. -JW
You: [At least you are not doing it. Yet. Oh god. -SH]
You: Alright then. We can take a walk I suppose. -SH
Stranger: [Doing what? .... Masturbating? ... Oh my. Does that make you uncomfortable, Shirly? - JM x]
Stranger: [Ignoring you now. -GL]
Stranger: Okay. Alright. You're a little unbelievable. -JW
You: [Moriarty, I need to call it off. I just got myself a date. Everything worked just as planned. See you around. -SH]
You: Coming over then. See you in a few. -SH